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|A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
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|A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"
He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
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|A man walks into a bar for a pub lunch. As he's drinking his pint, waiting for his food a young gentlemen walks in and sits with him. After ordering a drink, they begin to talk. Mid-conversation the man hears a beeping sound. The man, confused, asks where the sound is coming from.
The gentlemen, smiling, pulls up the sleeve of his shirt and shows a small screen in his arm, saying, "OH, I went to Japan earlier this year and got a pager fitted into my arm."
As they resume talking, a second man walks into the bar, and after ordering a drink, joins in the conversation. After a few minutes, teh first man notices a ringing noise. "Can you hear that?"
The new gentlemen opens his palm, and then proceeds to talk into his thumb. The first man, very confused, asks what he is doing.
The new guy says, "Oh, i went to Japan a few months ago and got a phone fitted into my hand. Sweet aint it!"
At this point, the first gentlemen felt a little left out, and excused himself to the loo. After about an hour, the other too began to worry. They decided to wander into the toilets and check-up on him.
On entering the toilets, they saw him naked, hand up against the wall, with toilet paper sticking out his bum. The man turns around and says "Hey, I'll be one sec. Im just recieveing a fax!"
--1
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|a piece ass that brings a tear to ur eye
--3
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|a rubbishman saw that someone didnt put out there bin. so he goes to the door and knocks loudly. after a minute a window opened from the top end of the house. the rubbishman ask whers u bin. the man replied ive bin out all night whers u bin. yawned then man
--3
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|Butter is difficult to spread.
0
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|doctor doctor, what can i do about my B.O its so bad, even i cant stand it
why not trying a cloth peg on your nose like the rest of us
--1
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|git-r-done,git-r-did flip her over and do it again.
--3
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|if we can put 1 man on the moon how come we cant put them all there?
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|Little birdies in the sky
drooping things from way up high
Mr Farmer wiping eye
Thank gosh pigs cant fly
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