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You are so poor . . .
When you were kicking a can, your friend came by and asked what you were doing. You said you were moving!

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You might be a Redneck Jedi if...
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* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

* You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

* The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

* Wookiees are offended by your B.O.

* You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

* You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

* Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

* You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.

* You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

* You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

* You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

* Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

* You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

* You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

* You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

* If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."

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|2 cannibals were having lunch. your wife makes great soups said 1 to the other. yes agreed the first, but i am going to miss her terribly

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|A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg.

The man reached in his pocket and took
out a doggie biscuit, which he fed to the dog.

A busy body who had been watching ran up to him and said, "You shouldn't do that. He'll never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that!".

The blind man retorted, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find which end is his mouth so that I can kick him in the ass".

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|A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.

The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump."The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.

The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde.

"I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."

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|A blonde goes into a kitchen store and says to an assistant "Can i buy that tv please?" The assistant says "Sorry we don't serve blondes." So the blonde goes out and gets her hair dyed and then comes back and says, "Excuse me can i buy that tv please?" and the assistant says "No, because we still know who you are."

So the blonde goes out and gets plastic surgery. She then comes back and says
"Excuse me, can I buy that TV please?" and the assistant says, "No, because it's a microwave!"

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|A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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|a blonde,brunette,and a red head decided to go on a game show.The object of the game was to walk up 100 stairs without laughing at the joke the host tells you.So te host tells then they're joke then they begin waking.the brunette made it to the 10th step,the red haired girl made it to the 28th step.The blonde made it all the way up to the 100th step then started laughing.Reporters began sorrounding the blonde and asked how did you do that. She answered I just got the joke

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|A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

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|A guy wanders into a pub one evening followed by a giraffe. They sit down, and over a number of hours get extremely drunk. As the bar is shutting, the man goes to leave.

The man behing the bar yells "Oi mate. You can't leave that lying there!"

The drunk turns around and says, "OI mate, it isnt a lion, its a giraffe!"

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